We have a special kind of bond.

The bells were ringing out on Christmas day.

If you guys are looking for Christmas music:

1) Dustin Kensrue - The Good Night Is Still Everywhere

2) Charlie Brown Christmas (Classic)

3) WinterSong - The Hotel Cafe

4) David Archuleta - Christmas From The Heart (It's all poppy and cheesy but it's fun)

In other news:

I'm trying my hardest to be humble in every situation. To be honest with myself about my corrupt habits and to be honest in front of God to let Him search me and find if there is any evil way in me and lead me to the way everlasting. It's really hard, and it really hurts. I'm holding on to the joy that Jesus has given me in the fact that He molds us in gentleness.

And I am trying to be nicer to the people who act like total buttholes. So if I am being really out of the ordinary nice to you, it's because you are being a butthole.

Equally Skilled,

Erika

I'm so close to being so far away from You.

So broken down and bought a few cd's this week:

Stop and Listen - Bethany Dillon
Where the wild things are soundtrack
You are there - Jimmy Robeson

and my legit groom got me the "Away we go" soundtrack.

Let's start with the Jimmy Robeson, this guys voice is so steller and frillz easy to harmonize with, which I suck at, so it's fun. His lyrics are kinda spiritually cheesey in the "yay God, worthy God" kinda way, I'm more of a Derek Webb, Jon Foremon, kinda worship girl. But dude, I needed music to draw me back to the basics. & this cd is totally focusing my eyes where they need to me, "Yo Jesus!"

Where the wild things are: could be creepy if it wasn't so great. Good reading/working music.

Away we go soundtrack....um. Well how can I say this, uh...it's good make out time music. Okay, blush blush, whatever. It's mellow, kinda reminds me of the Dan in real life soundtrack, gotta love Sondre. So it's good.

Ok, so Bethany Dillon, dude, I love this chick. Her music has honestly played a big part in my life, ( "For My Love" was the song I walked down to aisle to on my wedding day.) But she's got such freaking honest lyrics. I love honest lyrics. I love those songs that are so vulnerable, that when they artist is singing them it sounds like they could just cry at any moment of listening. There are a few songs on this album that are for sure favorites, but this one stuck out to me. I think because I am so this person in my walk. I am PRONE to wander. & it's got nothing to do with my love for Christ, but everything to do with the fact that I like to run away from problems instead of approach them. There are times that just suck and there are trials God considers me strong enough to face, and I'm like "oh no wah wah!" instead of like "GAR I EAT PEICES OF THIS FOR BREAKFAST!" So here you go read them and find it somewhere to listen to it, it's good.

I’m so close to being so far away from You

I was wrong, but it takes so much to say it to You

Like a broken husband and wife

Who never talk but share their nights

I’m so close to being so far away from You

I have nothing when I’m living apart from You

Outside, creation groans

To lose our darkness and be made whole

For my feet are close to slipping

Speak to my heart in time

You have promised, so I do believe

You won’t forget this wandering child

Still, I’m so close to being so far away from You

Though I know no one on their own makes it through

My soul clings to the dust

So in Your life, let it be enough

I’m so foolish to believe that I can escape Your love

For my feet were close to slipping

You spoke to my heart in time

You have promised, so I do believe

You won’t forget this wandering child

You’re so close when I feel far away from You

You’re so close when I feel far away from You

So, to be transparent in hopes that God will use all my foolishness for His glory! My husband and I have been being pretty terrible to each other. Not loving God like He deserves, and not loving each other like each other deserves. But God in His perfect amazing timing hooked us up. See my job paid for us to go to this marriage conference, and we both seriously went into this thinking "YES! They are going to teach (him/her) to be a better (Husband/Wife)! YES! Finally!" Oh wow, okay, so we walk in sit down and the first session alone they are like "FOCUS ON YOUR OWN STUFF" And my own stuff sucks to focus on, but it was good. There is so much I could write about what I learn and what God did in us, there was a lot of healing, there was a lot of reminders. I mean some of the things that these couples were facing made me feel so ridiculous for chewing out my husband cause he doesn't clean the bathroom, or pick up his clothes?! And I didn't walk out feeling like a failure, or that I've been a crap of a wife, I felt nourished, equipped, and encouraged, and EXCITED to be a better one. Dude, and my husband has been spoiling the heck out of me. He surprised me last night with a drive in movie in our garage, it was pretty legit. It's going to be work, it's going to take effort, but I am in this, He is in this, and when we allow Him to, Christ is in it with us. I feel ridiculous for not surrendering this to Him a long time ago. God is on our side.

If you want to know more of the stuff we learned, hit me up. pow pow. But really.

I guess all I have to say is God is on our side. We have an enemy. But it ain't each other.

Agape,

-Soto

Emergency God.

This is what I do. I am in God's word, I read it, I pray, I make time for Jesus. This is what I do. When life is good, when my days are busy, I still do it. Then this thing happens as it usually does, this big fat curve ball knocks me straight in the teeth when I least expect it, and suddenly, I yearn for God. I would rather spend the whole day in bed reading and praying, because those are the moments where my every nerve in my body is exposed and I am suffering. And all I want is God. It's no longer my husband that gets me thru the day, it's no longer my minsitry or my job, it's no longer anything else that I want more than to hear God's voice. And there I am in submission, desperate, and broken before my God.

How do I keep getting to this place of yearning only when I am in a shitty place in my life?

It's like the flu. When everyone around you starts getting the flu, it's the where you are more conscious about disinfecting your things, washing your hands, taking your vitamans. It's then that you try everything and anything to prevent you from getting sick. All the while, you know you probably should have started this routine a long time ago. But now you are aware.

God has been this for me this past week. I haven't been aware that I have needed Him like I have. I think I'm fine, because Josh and I are doing really good right now, or we had 50 kids at Youngife last week, or I found enough money for our area that I won't get a pay cut! Yeah, life is good. Yay yay yay. And then the shit hits the fan and I'm like "Dang, God, I need you." & it's this sick pattern that I am so prone to. It's this lesson that I have learned a million and one times, and I keep returning back to it. My dirtiest sin isn't fighting with my husband, it's that I have forgotten God in the midst of living for Him. Don't read that like I don't make sense either, cause it makes sense. Just because we live for God, doesn't mean we know Him, doesn't mean we remember Him, and in some cases it doesn't even mean we love Him. We live on oxygen, doesn't mean we remember to breathe.

At the end of this my greatest apology isn't that I've been a horrible wife to Josh, it's that I've been a horrible wife to Jesus.

Jesus, let's be closer.
I'm sorry. I love you.

It's not that I'm a stranger to lonely moments...

this song pretty much sums up how i am feeling about my life right bout now. oh jon foremon, if you were a girl, we could be best friends, but your not, and it sucks.

I love you Abba. Welcome me home.


You could stay a while longer
We could stay up and talk about last summer
We could go down to the water
Watch the sunset going under
It's not that I'm a stranger to lonely moments
I've had my share of those
Please don't go
Please don't leave me alone
A mirror is so much harder to hold

I could try and point the finger
But the glass points in my direction
Sure you've got your sharp edges
But my wounds are for my own reflection
You've got nothing I could ever hold against you
I've got fatal flaws to call my own
Please don't go
Please don't leave me alone
A mirror is so much harder to hold

I met a man who's looking for perfection
Said he'd never met a girl who's good enough
His eyes are getting old like they'd love to love again
Such a lonely man
Such a lonely man

I see him in my reflection
Taking steps towards me these days
So I hold you that much closer
And pray we don't throw this away
It's not that I'm a man who couldn't love you
I know what these arms are for
Please don't go
Please don't leave me alone
A mirror is so much harder to hold
A mirror is so much harder to hold
Please don't go
Please don't leave me cold
A mirror is so much harder to hold

Overthinking....

I'm pretty tired. I'm tired of wrestiling with my flesh. See, I've been saying "yes" to absolutely everything. I have been doing everything because I HAVE to and not really because I WANT to. I feel like I am slowely losing the joy in the things that I used to wake up for. I don't really know how this has happened, but I am in a great need of REST. Not a day where I sleep, but a day where I spend a great amount of time with Christ. A day where I am alone and in the Word. Playing my guitar, painting. I don't know. A day of solitude. I am spread ever so thin and I am feeling really empty. I need prayer, I need words of encouragement. I need to know this season of valleys pass. Becaue it is testing me and pushing me down. I've got aches and pains from the people around me who are supposed to be loving me. We are supposed to be loving eachother. Why are we so prideful? Why are we so quick to put up the boundries, when we know that boundries don't keep others out, they fence us in. Father, I want trust, I want joy in relationships. We just need to love better. I'm just venting, cause I'm tired and weary and man, I just need prayer.

Thanks.

Woodleaf

- Blogged using my iPhone. Huzzah.