"Think of how you have instructed many, how you have strengthened feeble hands. your words have supported those who stumbled; you have strengthened faltering knees. But now trouble comes to you and you are discouraged, it strikes you and you are dismayed. Should not piety be your confidence and your blameless ways be your hope?" -Job 4:3-6-
So this was Job's good old pal Eliphaz (which always reminds me of a wizard of oz character) and He is speaking to Job basically saying "Dude, you have been an instructor, a guide, an advisor to so many and now that you are in a position of trouble/testing/weakness/trial you are discouraged and dismayed....what....the...heck?!" Obviously not the real words...actually maybe in some translation somewhere....but besides the point.....I wish I could say that this wasn't ever me when I am in the midst of a trial. I mean, it is easy to give advice...and I don't think it is just easy for me. I think as a culture we are a bunch of impatient quick fixing machines. I think we love trying to fix things and we feel pretty good about ourselves when we are able to give a solid piece of advice. I mean, I don't always think this is a bad thing, for the most part I really do think people have the best intentions in doing this and I like to think in my optimistic brain that we care about the people around us enough to want to see their lives be easier. I'm a younglife leader, it's what I do, and if you are in ministry such as younglife or a youth group, or a small group leader....etc etc....we are leaders, people come to us, and we pray for them, and encourage them, we give them verses and we help, we are helpers. It's a calling and it's a beautiful one. But when the situation is reversed and we are on the other side of the spectrum (by we I mean me...and maybe you too?) this verse that I shared is the verse that I hear most of the time while driving somewhere. Not all the time, and honestly there are only certain issues that I face in times of testing that I honestly doubt God can fix. They seem impossible and they seem forever. The pain, the discouragement, the doubt, it all seems like it is too much for God, and obviously way too much for me. So I sulk, I say cuss words when I pray, and I harden my heart and sit in my mess. And I don't want to move, because moving means I am going to have to say that I am sorry. And I don't want to say that I am sorry because that means I was wrong. And I hate being wrong. See I can help people all day, I can pray all day for people, I can intercede for people and believe with all my heart that God will do His best and perfect will for their lives, but it's when I get hit with a conflict, an argument, an insecurity, a doubt, an offense, I don't care about where I directed everyone else, because I don't believe that God can or will do the same for me.
I get this is a lot to post on a silly blog. I get that. But I also get I am not the only one who has ever felt that way/feels this way.
When did God's promise become enough for everyone else but us? And when did we accept the lie that His grace's sufficiency was limited to our dirty hands?
I want to say it stops now and by a click of a mouse I am healed of this. I want to say that tonight is the night I stop believing the lies. I want to say that this is the trial, the test, that forces me to trust Him completely. I want to say all that but I won't, because it's not true. But I can start by saying it will be true. I can start by believing He has the best waiting for me. I will start by trusting that this will pass and that He is on my side. I can take those steps for now and I can start by saying I believe the other things will fall into place. All I can do is try and I am really seeing that that is all He is asking me to do.
I do believe when I am weak, Jesus, You are strong. You are perfect.
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